What follows was written in the early 1980s as a contribution towards
promoting chastity. It is based on my observations of the motivations for
sexual adventures among my acquaintances in college and is intended to
speak to an individual's conscience and lead to an examination of
motivations rather than just warn of possible consequences. Although it
takes the form of a young man's pledge, its ideas can easily be adapted to
other formats. Some people I sent it to also told me it could just as
easily apply to young women. In any case, please use it to best advantage
where you feel it may help.
Al Lemmo
Will your boyfriend sign this pledge? If not, you'd probably better learn
the real reasons why he won't.
A YOUNG MAN'S PLEDGE
Recognizing that growing up is to a large extent a matter of becoming
more responsible for both myself and for others, I pledge to strive for
maturity by exercising restraint and by foregoing those activities for
which I and the young women in my life are not yet prepared. In
particular, my responsible and loving concern for them will be evidenced
by the following:
- I will never ask any other person to compromise her moral code for my
pleasure or for any other reason, even though we may have strong feelings
for each other
- I will never jeopardize any young woman's mental or physical health,
her self-image, her reputation or her educational or other future plans by
engaging in sexual activity with her outside of the institution of
marriage
- I will never risk fathering my children in situations wherein I and
their mother are not prepared to give them the long-term loving care to
which every child is entitled
- I will never attempt to use another human being to prove anything
about me to myself or to others
- I will never ask another person to prove her feelings for me by any
actions which either of us suspect to be improper or unwise
- I will not engage in conversation in which women or relations between
men and women are spoken of in a degrading fashion
- I will promote healthy relationships between myself and the women in
my life, and prevent destructive attitudes, however subtle, from taking
hold in me, by avoiding materials in which women are degraded or in any
way depicted as less than human beings deserving of love and respect
- I will not seek sexual experience for its own sake outside of the
committed and loving relationship of marriage
- I will never attempt to influence the behavior of others for the
pleasure of exercising power over them, especially in matters of sexual
activity
- I will keep my own conscience clear and my self-image positive by
being responsible and genuinely loving in the ways I use my sexuality
I am fully aware in making this pledge that keeping it will not always
be easy, that it runs counter to prevailing notions about the uses of
sexuality and that signing it may very well expose me to the ridicule of
my peers. However, I regard these things as a small price to pay for the
benefits that keeping it will bring in my life, the lives of those who
interact with me, and ultimately in the world. I will become a
responsible, mature and truly loving person by keeping this pledge. I
will become capable of establishing and maintaining healthy and mutually
fulfilling relationships. I will contribute to the betterment of my world
by not adding to its problems and by reserving my energies for positive
activities rather than the undoing of avoidable mistakes.
Aware of these benefits which I desire for my life and for the lives of
those I care about, I now confidently and proudly sign my name to this
pledge.
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